Financial Dreams, Reality Nightmares

I have never had visions of grandeur or obtaining wealth. Once graduated from high school, with high grades and test scores, I entered Aerospace Engineering at a major state university. Friends and I chatted about the future with beer in hand, some speculating on employment in our fields (we were all engineers of some kind), the subject of wealth never came up. I guess engineers figured we would be employed and at a “proper” salary. The work was the goal; getting married and having kids, house with a picket fence, and other clichés, though at the time were merely normal ideas. Well, that path didn’t work out for me.

Finally graduating from college, barely avoiding time in the military, i.e. Vietnam, I married, divorce, married again, had a child, wife died, married again, had two more children, all the time working, but having no career, not even a “lifestyle”. Owning a home seemed more of a burden than an asset. New cars, while nice at first, seemed to drain the life as well as money from my pockets. Bills, payments, the pressure & stress of existence were not a life, but rather a nightmare that never ended.

I could never identify with, let alone understand, “Baby Boomers”; all geared up for success and wealth. What was that about? As foreign to me as living in China, the pursuit of money, big homes, fancy cars, designer clothes, gourmet meals in fancy restaurants, cruises and trips abroad were not considerations and any more than thinking of being a missionary in an African country.

At age 45, I returned to Graduate School, and by age 50 had completed a Masters program in Leadership, along with 2/3 of an MBA program in Management, all while working, yet maintaining a 4.0 GPA. I expected starting salaries of $45,000 per year. I got $32,000…oh well; there go those “dreams”. Now years later, another divorce, layoffs, survival jobs, a year of being homeless & “urban camping”, I am retired from work. In two weeks, I’ll turn 61, and only have one year to collect early social security. My “nest egg” of $75,000 is long gone. I have survived everything life has thrown at me, and like at birth when I came into this world with nothing, I’ll be leaving with nothing. No dreams of wealth or thoughts of fame and fortune, no legacy to mark my existence on earth clouds my thoughts. Survival is my gift, the ability to transcend hardships and challenges. Everyday, like today, I am surrounded by insurmountable opportunities!